


got everything i'm asking for but you

by kealohas



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, asurei is ruining me, i started writing this at midnight and i COULDNT STOP, it's too much for asuka's poor gay heart to handle, rei is cute and has cold hands, winter !!!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-22
Updated: 2014-11-22
Packaged: 2018-02-26 14:56:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2656175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kealohas/pseuds/kealohas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>See, the thing about knowing you’re in love with your best friend is that you can never go back to being just friends. You can’t wake up one day and suddenly their smile stops lighting a fire under your skin and their touch stops making your heart pound wildly in your chest. No matter how hard you try, and no matter how many times you remind yourself that the feelings will never be reciprocated, those feelings can’t ever go away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	got everything i'm asking for but you

**Author's Note:**

> title from mine by beyonce & drake.

The first few flakes begin to fall in the early hours of the morning, and Asuka wakes to a fresh dusting of white covering the grounds. The sun is low in the sky, casting pink and orange through her window and onto her bed. Outside, the snow is falling rapidly, and Asuka shivers at the cold air that’s seeping through her old, unsealed windows. Pulling the blanket up to her chest, she reaches for her phone. The time reads 8:14, and there are already two texts from Rei.

FROM: ♡ rei ♡  
 _[7:36] It’s snowing._

FROM: ♡ rei ♡  
 _[7:41] Do you still want to go today?_

She lets out a breath. They were supposed to be Christmas shopping today. Briefly, Asuka lets herself smile at the fact that Rei remembered how much she hates walking around when it’s snowing. She’s probably complained about it multiple times, as she does with many things, but the knowledge that Rei hadn’t tuned her out leaves the bottom of her stomach feeling warm. She realizes then that if she says no, she won’t get to see Rei. And if she gets to see her, then maybe a little bit of snow won’t kill her.

TO:  ♡ rei ♡  
 _[8:14] 1. why r u up so early  
_ _2\. yea, i do. i’ll b at urs at 12????_

She scrolls through her messages for a few seconds before her phone buzzes with Rei’s reply (she’s always been a very punctual texter).

FROM: ♡ rei ♡  
 _[8:15] You’re only up a little bit later. I’ll see you then._

 

\--

 

Rei answers the door wearing a grey coat and a white hat over her bright blue hair. She smiles at Asuka.

Rei rarely smiles, and before they got close Asuka had never seen her smile at all. Of course, now Asuka notices her many different smiles. There’s two for when she laughs; one around strangers and one around her friends. When she is around strangers, her laugh is small and polite, her smile hidden behind her pale hand. However, when she’s with Asuka, her head is thrown back and her eyes closed; her laugh is melodic, sweet and airy, and if Asuka could hear only one sound for the rest of her life, she knows it would be that one.

There’s the strained smile, when the stress is starting to get to her and she can’t help but to put up a front so she doesn’t burden others with her problems (that’s when Asuka is there to remind her to let her walls down, because she knows Rei would do the same for her).

There’s the smile she gives everyone but Asuka. Her lips curl upwards, and maybe sometimes she’ll let her teeth show, but the smile never reaches her eyes.

Then there’s the smile she has for Asuka. Her smile is small, but her eyes crinkle at the edges and are infinitely fond for her. It’s genuine, and it’s the one she loves the most. 

Asuka tries not to read into it too much.

See, the thing about knowing you’re in love with your best friend is that you can never go back to being _just friends_. You can’t wake up one day and suddenly their smile stops lighting a fire under your skin and their touch stops making your heart pound wildly in your chest. No matter how hard you try, and no matter how many times you remind yourself that the feelings will never be reciprocated, those feelings can’t ever go away.

“Ready to go?” Asuka asks, returning Rei’s smile.

“Hold on,” Rei says, disappearing into her apartment and returning with a scarf in her hand. She winds the scarf around her neck and buries her face into it and all Asuka can think is _oh God she’s so cute oh my god I’m so incredibly gay she’s so perfect and --_

“Okay, ready,” Rei says, shutting her door behind her, and shoving her hands into her pockets, bracing for the cold outside.

 

\--

 

As they are walking, Asuka notices Rei shivering. The shopping bag she’s holding has forced one of her hands out of her pocket, and the cold air is blowing at it.

“Hey, are you cold?” Asuka asks, her voice full of concern. Rei nods silently, her hat pulled down to cover her ears and forehead. Without even thinking, Asuka reaches down and pulls Rei’s other hand out of her pocket and places it in hers. Her hand is cold against Asuka’s palm, and Rei gives her a questioning look.

“Your hands are freezing! I’m going to keep them warm,” Asuka tells her, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

 

\--

 

They reach Rei’s apartment building and step inside, but Asuka doesn’t drop her hand. She has already silently thanked twenty different God’s for giving her the opportunity to hold hands with Rei, and she’s not going to give it up now. Rei looks at her sideways.

“We’re inside now. You don’t have to hold my hand anymore,” Rei says. Asuka’s step falters, and dread settles in the pit of her stomach. When she was holding Rei’s hand, all she could focus on was Rei with her pale skin and warm eyes and pink lips she wanted so desperately to kiss. She hadn’t even thought about Rei not _wanting_ to hold her hand. _Of course she wouldn’t want to hold your hand,_ Asuka tells herself, another daily reminder that Rei doesn’t feel that way about her.

“Don’t be stupid. Your hands are still cold!” Asuka exclaims, and Rei gives her a small, knowing smile.

Again, she doesn’t read into it too much.

They walk in silence until they stop in front of Rei’s door. Rei’s always been quiet, and so their silences are never really awkward. They just feel familiar. Asuka had always felt the need to be the one to fill silences, with her loud voice going a mile a minute, others rarely getting a word in. Of course, she can do the same with Rei. She can talk for hours, and Rei will nod and even give hums of agreement here and there. She never ignores Asuka though. Even when she’s complaining about the most inane things that she won’t remember in a week, she still listens to her.

Asuka still doesn’t let go. They’re still stopped outside of Rei’s door, Asuka not wanting to drop her hand and Rei not having the hands to open the door and go inside even if she wanted to. Asuka meets her eyes.

“I like it when you hold my hand,” Rei says quietly, breaking the silence. Asuka blushes, feeling heat rise to her face, and she opens and closes her mouth at a loss for what to say.

“O-oh. Well --” Asuka begins, but she is cut off by Rei placing her cold hand on her cheek. Asuka freezes, snapping her mouth shut. 

“Your face is hot,” Rei tells her, and Asuka rolls her eyes.

“Of course it is, stupid! You said something embarrassing!” Asuka shouts. She’s usually never as angry as her words seem, especially when they’re directed towards Rei. Of course, Rei sees right through her, and she’s still smiling that knowing smile that Asuka hates (but she doesn’t really hate it, of course, because it’s Rei and she could never hate anything about her).

Rei doesn’t move her hand away. The air between them feels elastic, like a rubber band pulled tight and ready to snap. Asuka’s pulse races beneath her skin. She can’t even think, can’t bring herself to pull away because Rei is inches from her face and her lips are parted and for the second time today Asuka wants to kiss her.

She’s leaning down slowly, her vision going blurry and out of focus until finally her lips are on Rei’s and her eyes slide shut. Rei’s response is almost immediate. The hand on Asuka’s cheek slides to the back of her neck, and she’s turning her head to deepen the kiss. Asuka drops the bags she had been holding and places both hands on Rei’s waist, squeezing her hips in a way that says _I’ve wanted this for so long_ and _please don’t ever stop._

Asuka pulls back first, her face flushed and her lips red.

“Would you like to come inside?” Rei asks, their faces still close, and she’s smiling her Asuka smile.

Asuka smiles back.

**Author's Note:**

> your fave is problematic: me  
> \- puts my cold hands on people
> 
> this is the first thing i've ever written for nge so i hope i did the characters justice!!!! this is a modern au without evas and angels, so i kinda feel like it was hard to write their personalities since they rely so heavily on piloting?? idk !!!! anyway i hope they aren't too wildly out of character


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